Perfectionism: The Invisible Monster

Perfectionism is thinking that one's worth is tied to flawlessness.

This struggle showed up everywhere for me: in my academics,

my relationships,

my goals—

and most profoundly, in my relationship with God.

I didn't even realize it at first, but I had created a lie: Something is always wrong with me, and I must constantly fix myself.

As my pursuit of perfection continued, I found myself digging deeper into a hole I didn’t want to be in—until I realized that the way I was approaching my relationship with God was deepening my struggle with mental illness. I wasn’t seeing myself through His eyes of compassion and grace.

Instead, I was focused on my flaws and failures, convinced I wasn’t measuring up.

The Turning Point: Shifting From Perfectionism to Self-Compassion

The turning point came when I began to focus less on the pressure to be perfect and more on God's gentle and compassionate nature. It became clear that the standards I had set for myself were not only unrealistic but completely unnecessary. God didn’t expect perfection from me, and neither should I expect it from myself.

As a perfectionist, I was no stranger to self-criticism. Childhood experiences often fill perfectionists with a belief that love and approval are only earned through flawlessness. However, what I learned is that self-compassion and kindness are vital when you’re stuck in the cycle of obsessive overthinking. Without them, life feels like a never-ending loop of self-hatred and disappointment.

When I saw the level of compassion God had for me—and the compassion others showed me—it became much easier to be kind to myself. Perfectionism started to lose its grip as I learned that embracing my weaknesses didn’t make me any less worthy. It allowed me to grow in unexpected ways.

Practical Steps to Overcome Perfectionism

If you find yourself caught in the perfectionism trap, here are a few simple but powerful practices to help shift your mindset:

1. Take Three Deep Breaths – In moments of overwhelm, pause, breathe deeply, and reset. Focus on calming your nervous system and getting back to the present moment.

2. Celebrate Your Wins – Write down three small wins you had this week and permit yourself to celebrate them. Whether it’s treating yourself to something special, taking a relaxing break, or just acknowledging your efforts, this will help you see that progress, not perfection, is what truly matters.

3. Meditate on Positive, Encouraging Messages—Whether it's books, audiobooks, or spiritual texts (like the Bible), feed your mind with self-compassion and encouragement. Rewiring your brain to focus on positivity can slowly counteract perfectionist tendencies.

4. Reframe Weaknesses as Hidden Strengths – Write down your perceived weaknesses and reflect on how they’ve shaped or taught you valuable lessons. This practice can be incredibly impactful if you work through it with a therapist who can guide you in finding strength in vulnerability.

A Final Note: It’s Okay Not to Be Perfect

To all my fellow overthinkers and perfectionists: It will be okay. You don’t need to have it all together all the time. Embrace your imperfections and understand that they don’t define your worth. You are loved, valued, and enough, just as you are.